This is a hard post for me
I believe strongly in the power of hard work, so I push myself, usually to the limit. But it’s no longer just about me. I can work myself to the bone, push my body farther than I should and I’m usually ok with that. I mean yes, it does wear me thin. Yes, it does get exhausting and I do have break downs. I’m not super human or anything. But the problem comes when the list of things to do is longer than I can handle at a comfortable pace, so I push.
That’s been how I operate. Pushing myself to get things done, especially while I have the motivation because once that’s gone everything takes twice the effort. Now, with Peanut, and Gummy Bear, I find myself limited.
I practice the fine art of baby wearing. If you’ve ever worn your baby, you know how difficult it is to truly get things done. That extra weight in front puts strain on your back, throws you off balance, and puts you back to forgetting how close you can get to things without bumping into them. I mean, I’m not complaining. I absolutely LOVE wearing her. It helps me get some things done instead of sitting around all day holding her, or trying to do things one armed.
But, my mind is so full of projects. Things I couldn’t get done before because I was working so much. I get excited having the time and energy to do them. The research time, the planning and even now some of the resources. I have mental lists of things I want to do, things we should be buying, things that need to do now so I can get other things done later. Plans upon plans. And I have to remind myself that this year isn’t gonna be a big year. It’s gonna have to be a slow, easy year. The baby is gonna require most of my attention, and the toddler will take the remainder. I’m gonna have nap schedules and feedings. Times where little miss Peanut isn’t gonna want to sit in the swing, or play on the floor or want anyone but Mama. That’s one of the hardest things for me. It’s like constantly walking into walls. I know it’s temporary, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
I feel like I should be getting MORE done. I have to continually remind myself that I can’t do certain things, or I have to wait and ask for help. I hate needing help. HATE. It makes me feel weak, and incapable. Again, it’s temporary, I know. It’s just been tough remembering that. Tough having to wait. Tough having projects take two or three times longer than they used to.
I’ll get there. I’ll get back doing 8 million things in a day. Until then I have to remember my limits, and yes, ask for help.
Kita , Caveman, Goomba, Gummy Bear and Peanut are native New Englanders, who are working to live more self sufficient and sustainable lifestyle.